Category Archives: Dog days

Life is good

Yes, it’s soon, but really I’m surprised we lasted the few days we did. I found my husband surfing the SPCA websites this morning and that was that. We hadn’t spoke of it yet, but I guess we were both thinking the same thing: the house is lonely, it’s too quiet when we come in with no one to greet us, the bag of dog food is going to waste in the closet, etc. (insert other lame excuses).

So now there’s this puppy. Crying and mouthing and being utterly adorable. I’m not looking forward to the next few nights; his first away from his parents and littermates. But the house didn’t feel right without a dog. We’re taking the easy way out of our mourning for Buddy, I know. There is no distraction from sadness like a puppy. We do what we have to to heal a broken heart.

I apologize for being away for a few days, but I didn’t have anything to say that wasn’t pathetic. I appreciate your concern and the love you sent our way. Thank you.

Life is good with a lab pup at your heels.

Dear heart


Warm summer sun, shine kindly here;
Warm western wind, blow softly here;
Green sod above, lie light, lie light–
Good-night, dear heart, good-night, good-night.

–Robert Richardson (adapted by Mark Twain)

In the words of my vet, after I apologized for making him go over the necropsy results for the second time in as many hours, “It’s hard to lose a dog that’s been with you for so many years.” Yes it is, but would it be any easier if it were two years instead of twelve?

My old man dog Buddy died today. Just like that. He was a little off this morning and wouldn’t settle or eat his treats. He was sleeping alone in the living room when we woke up this morning and was hard to rouse. Nothing unusual, really. We were both concerned enough that my husband stopped home at lunch time to check on him and found him dead. Dead in front of the door so that it couldn’t be opened and my husband had to climb in through the kitchen window to get in the house.

My husband brought him to the vet for a necropsy so that we might understand what happened to him. The vet found that he had hemangiosarcoma; an aggressive cancer of the blood vessels and a tumor on his heart. The tumor had ruptured and caused his heart to stop. The vet said that he felt no pain, just tired and weak, and likely collapsed and just went peacefully to sleep.

I had fretted over him getting older and worried that we might have to put him to sleep one day when he couldn’t walk any longer. I dreaded that, but never expected anything like this. I have to think that a kindness was done for us – a disease we didn’t know about, couldn’t worry over and couldn’t even have done anything about had we known. No guilt, no what-ifs. I’m just so thankful I took the time this morning before leaving to hold his head in my hand and tell him that he was a good boy and that I loved him. A lot of mornings I didn’t take the time for that, but this morning I did.

What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the winter time. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
–Crowfoot, Chief of the Blackfeet Nation

Bath day

She’s got the hose and the shampoo. Quick – find a place to hide!
After I’m wet down and soaped up, there’s nothing better than a good roll in the grass…
and then a good shake to get the *clean* off.
After my rub down and brush, I still refuse to look at the camera to show off how handsome I am!

My old man dog

The old dog barks backwards without getting up.
I can remember when he was a pup.
– Robert Frost

The signs have been appearing subtly for a few years now: the flecks of gray in the muzzle, the eyes blue with age, the slow climb into the car after a visit to the beach, stiffness in the legs that once seemed so clumsy with youth, more shuffle and less spring to his step. Most recently the change in him is more dramatic: his hearing seems to have gone, whether from chronic ear infections or simple old age he no longer jumps to bark at the mailman and more often than not sleeps through pizza delivery. It’s hard to rouse him from sleep without touching him, harder still to communicate without eye contact.

Buddy is growing old and this realization seems easier on him than my husband and I. I’ve read lately that Labs often remain robust and healthy well into the winter of their lives, yet Buddy seems content to snooze away his days in front of the tv. He’s chosen his querencia, his favorite napping place where he feels most comfortable and to which he always returns with a favored toy or snack offered at the dinner table.

While he is no more demonstrative in his dotage than he was as a pup, he seems much less selective when it comes to the definition of adventure. Ball playing and chasing squirrels or a long walk at the beach remain his favorites, but he will just as happily settle for supervising an afternoon in the garden. He’s become very sly about begging treats and food from the table; mostly he knows best now how to charm us.

The predictable tragedy in our relationship with this dog, with any dog, is that there will eventually come a time for that last walk at the beach or in the woods and a final rememberance of all that has happened in the years since we first brought him home, so many years ago now that we can’t imagine how it still feels like yesterday.

In the meantime, I try to be gentle with him and humor his eccentricities. He’s learned to hate having his picture taken; in fact I had to hold his head today to keep him from turning away from the camera. We feed him a bit more and be sure he always has a soft bed to lie on. I walk slowly beside him and let him stop and sniff at everything without always dragging him forward. We let him get away with sleeping on the furniture because he thinks we don’t know that he does it.

He’s been a good friend these many years and I look forward to taking gentle care of my old man dog.

Stuck in the basement

Buddy has been getting stuck in the basement lately. He insists on following my husband down there when he’s doing laundry or getting some tool and then Buddy decides he’s too afraid to climb back up the stairs. Or at least we think the problem is that he’s afraid. He does have some old-age stiffness in his joints, but goes down the stairs fine, it’s up that’s the problem; and it’s just this set of stairs. The three smaller stairs that adjoin these and lead to the kitchen are no trouble for him. The problem, we suspect, is that these stairs are open-backed and Buddy can *see through them* and maybe with his decreased vision it’s just enough to make him feel unsure of himself.

You’d think he’d remember this and not go down there. But the urge to follow my husband and be in the middle of everything is still strong in him. He’ll whine and pace. He’ll try taking a running start at it, but gets only as far as his front feet on the first step before he chickens out. We spent nearly an hour coaxing him once before my husband had to carry him up. Poor embarrassed Buddy!

We’ve tried to be mindful of it and close the kitchen door on our way down so Buddy can’t follow. Saturday my husband was in and out getting tools from the basement to help a friend of his – both were in the basement for just a minute and then left with the door open. Buddy went down to check things out without my knowing it. An hour or so later I realized he was missing and sure enough he was laying stranded at the bottom of the stairs, looking pitiful. There’s just no way I can carry all 90+ pounds of dog up the stairs, so I tried coaxing him. It didn’t work so I apologized and took his pic. An hour or so later he appeared in the living room, wagging his tail furiously.

I’m curious if anyone has had any experience with this in an older dog. We mentioned it to his vet when we were there last week and she wasn’t too concerned and said that if it were hip or joint pain that was causing it, she would expect it to be when going down the stairs. I’m wondering if anyone has any ideas of what might be causing this new quirk in our old boy.

Buddy by the bay

Buddy dragged me out to Sandy Hook today because we haven’t visited this favorite place in a while. It’s nice to walk with him there because when it gets hot we both can take a dip in the bay. Dogs are aren’t allowed on most ocean beaches during the summer months to protect beach nesting birds, like terns and plovers. We started out at North Pond, down a path that is well-worn during the Spring because migrant birds congregate here, but now is overgrown with poison ivy and shaded just enough to be a haven for mosquitos. Buddy marched along unfazed by both.

I was anxious to get out to the dunes and pond to see the tree swallows and osprey that nest close there. Along the way, I paused among the beach plums that I photographed in April and saw plenty of fruit, none quite ripe enough for picking. When ready they’ll turn a luscious shade of frosty purple, usually in late August or early September. Ever had beach plum jelly? We rested for awhile in the dunes, watching the swallows darting over the pond until finally the biting flies chased us back out to the parking lot.

The park service is in the process of revegetating most of the parking lot at North Pond with native plants and grasses to restore grassland habitat that was lost in other areas of Sandy Hook. The field is blooming with chicory, spotted knapweed, some little-bluestem, and a lot of coneflowers – they’re what caught my eye! Hopefully, in the fall, we’ll find Bobolinks, Eastern Meadowlarks, and numerous sparrows in addition to the Goldfinches I found there today.

By this point, Buddy was hot and bored with all the attention I was paying to the flowers and the butterflies. I turned around to find him belly-up in the wildflowers, scratching his back, I guess. Or looking for attention himself. He loves to roll around in the grass like a fool – silly boy!

We headed in the car to Horseshoe Cove, where I was hoping to get some pics of the osprey that nest in the marsh there. First, we had to stop and take a dip in a quiet pool made by the tide. Buddy is not much of a swimmer, he prefers to wade and just get his belly wet.

We walked along to the beach on the bayside and found families fishing and seining the water for tiny little fish. I’m not sure what they do with them, but I know these are the same fish that I’ve watched terns catch. Tiny little silvery things. We spent a lot of time here, me taking pics and Buddy laying in the surf, cooling off. I watched a group of cormorants on the pilings, waiting out the tide and drying their wings.

I set out to find the osprey and had to drag Buddy from the water. At 11, he doesn’t have the stamina he once had, and it was obvious today. Used to be he pulled me along behind him. Today we walked side by side at a leisurely pace and took a minute to photograph this common tern.

We found our way to the marsh, but the osprey platform was too far away for any nice pics. There were 2 almost fully grown youngsters there on the nest, waiting to be fed. Buddy decided the marsh grass was a nice shady place for a nap and settled in while I watched the osprey with my binoculars.

We headed home then, wet and hot and tired. Any visit to Sandy Hook is a good one; the variery of things I saw today made it an especially nice visit. Buddy, I think, was just glad to be home on his bed with the fan blowing on him.

A dog’s world view

From here he watches over the birdfeeders and pond. From the corner of his eye he knows if the groundhog has ventured out from beneath the neighbor’s garage to raid the vegetable garden. He might consider making chase, but advancing age has lessened any chance of his being a real threat to any furry creature, be it woodchuck or bunny, or marauding squirrel with a taste for sunflower. Most importantly, he can see the bend in the road – the point at which his defended territory begins. He orients himself to that place where children on bicycles (or heaven forbid skateboards!) and dogs on leashes enter his realm. He lies in wait and worries the honeybees working clover until he spots an interloper on his street. Then the show begins and he is up and running like a young pup. Pulling at the lead that allows him run of the length of the yard, looking to all the world like he is about to do a cartwheel off the lead and launch himself into the street. The neighborhood kids know to ignore his silly antics, but to the unsuspecting he looks quite ferocious. He likes it that way and seems to take a certain amount of pride in the number of dog walkers (especially those with little yippy dogs) that he can turn away and convince to retreat out of his territory and back the way they came.

For all the years we’ve had him, we’ve tried to break him of this habit, of being so ridiculously protective of his place, but to no avail. When he’s finished his clowning he looks to me for the scolding he knows to expect, and smiles in his doggy way at having been bad. How can I fault him for protecting his pack and his place and for taking such joy in it?

Wanna go for a ride?!?

That I was home in the middle of the day, on a work day, should have been his first hint that I was up to no good. Despite his age, Buddy is still a sucker for a car ride. He always seems to think we’re going to the beach until we pull into the driveway of the vet’s office. Then the whining and dirty looks start.

Buddy makes me proud with the way that he behaves at the vet. He politely steps onto the scale in the waiting room and sits down to be weighed. He doesn’t blush when the receptionist announces his weight to the whole room (94.1 lbs. !!). He doesn’t pull on the leash like some wild thing. He’s too scared to misbehave.

I can tell that he likes our new vet better than the place we’ve gone to for most of his life. I don’t have to drag and coax him into the door with my silly voice. He doesn’t show his teeth to this vet when she shines the light in his eyes the way he did with our old vet. He still tries to crawl under me to hide, but even that is an improvement.

So, we came home with yet another rinse for his ears and the same old meds to try and get rid of this ear infection. It seems to go away for a while and then comes back. Hopefully, this time it will work. I know that Buddy isn’t looking forward to my cleaning his ears and then squirting the goopy meds in twice a day. He goes along with it well enough. So long as I sing to him, while I do it. The things we do.

Buddy and a favorite poem

There is something about seeing a big black dog with a red bandana that makes me smile. Especially if it’s my Buddy. He always wears a bandana, in fact, he looks absolutely naked if he doesn’t have one on. Today he’s wearing a green one with shamrocks, in honor of his Irish heritage (that is, in honor of the leftover corned beef he had for dinner!) Buddy has been a great friend to me for 11 years now and it saddens me to see him feeling his age. He still loves to romp in the snow and chase squirrels, but would really prefer a nap. On the couch. That’s a new (bad) habit, but how can I deny him a soft place beside me, even if the furniture is new?

I’ll share a favorite poem by Jimmy Stewart. I remember when I heard him read it on the Johnny Carson show so many years ago, and how it made me smile despite the sad ending.

“Beau” by Jimmy Stewart

He never came to me when I would call
Unless I had a tennis ball,
Or he felt like it,
But mostly he didn’t come at all.

When he was young
He never learned to heel
Or sit or stay,
He did things his way.

Discipline was not his bag
But when you were with him things sure didn’t drag.
He’d dig up a rosebush just to spite me,
And when I’d grab him, he’d turn and bite me.

He bit lots of folks from day to day,
The delivery boy was his favorite prey.
The gas man wouldn’t read our meter,
He said we owned a real man-eater.

He set the house on fire
But the story’s long to tell.
Suffice it to say that he survived
And the house survived as well.

On the evening walks, and Gloria took him,
He was always first out the door.
The Old One and I brought up the rear
Because our bones were sore.

He would charge up the street with Mom hanging on,
What a beautiful pair they were!
And if it was still light and the tourists were out,
They created a bit of a stir.

But every once in a while, he would stop in his tracks
And with a frown on his face look around.
It was just to make sure that the Old One was there
And would follow him where he was bound.

We are early-to-bedders at our house–
I guess I’m the first to retire.
And as I’d leave the room he’d look at me
And get up from his place by the fire.

He knew where the tennis balls were upstairs,
And I’d give him one for a while.
He would push it under the bed with his nose
And I’d fish it out with a smile.

And before very long
He’d tire of the ball
And be asleep in his corner
In no time at all.

And there were nights when I’d feel him
Climb upon our bed
And lie between us,
And I’d pat his head.

And there were nights when I’d feel this stare
And I’d wake up and he’d be sitting there
And I reach out my hand and stroke his hair.
And sometimes I’d feel him sigh and I think I know the reason why.

He would wake up at night
And he would have this fear
Of the dark, of life, of lots of things,
And he’d be glad to have me near.

And now he’s dead.
And there are nights when I think I feel him
Climb upon our bed and lie between us,
And I pat his head.

And there are nights when I think
I feel that stare
And I reach out my hand to stroke his hair,
But he’s not there.

Oh, how I wish that wasn’t so,
I’ll always love a dog named Beau.