{"id":252,"date":"2010-08-28T04:51:00","date_gmt":"2010-08-28T04:51:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.somewhereinnj.com\/?p=252"},"modified":"2014-10-01T03:06:21","modified_gmt":"2014-10-01T03:06:21","slug":"our-options-have-recently-changed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.somewhereinnj.com\/?p=252","title":{"rendered":"Our options have recently changed"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5510322788482472098\"<\/a>“Hello.<\/p>\n

You’ve reached Laura in the Rental Assistance Unit. I’m not able to take your call right now.<\/p>\n

Probably because I’m avoiding you.<\/i><\/p>\n

Before leaving a message, please listen to the following options, as they’ve recently changed:<\/p>\n

If you’re calling to request that I send a letter to your foodstamp\/welfare worker verifying your rental share, press one (#1) to tell them to get off their lazy butt and walk upstairs to my desk to get it themself. It’s not my job to do their job, too.<\/p>\n

If you’re calling to give me some lame excuse about why you haven’t paid your rent in six months and are about to be evicted, press two (#2) and realize that I won’t believe a single sad story you’ll tell me.<\/p>\n

If you’re calling me for the fifth time in as many minutes, just hang up and accept that there’s a reason I’m not picking up the phone.<\/p>\n

Like, maybe, I’m avoiding you.<\/i><\/p>\n

If you’re calling from Georgia and want me to lie to my boss to save your ass, press three (#3) and reconcile yourself to the fact that you screwed up big this time and I won’t stick my neck out for you, ever, again.<\/p>\n

If you’re calling to rat out your neighbor\/ex-girlfriend\/sister because he\/she drives a nicer car than you\/has more tv’s than you\/pissed you off\/kicked you out yesterday, please press four (#4) until you’re willing to put something in writing and sign your name to it. I love making fraud referrals with a real name attached.<\/p>\n

If you’re calling to explain to me how you’re only “technically” married, press five (#5) and take a deep breath. I’ve heard it all before and this better be good!<\/p>\n

If you make more money than me and still can’t manage to pay your rent each month then press six (#6) ’cause, really, I’m a social worker now and should have taken that job on Wall St. instead.<\/p>\n

If you’re just lonely and need someone to talk to, dial x6023 to talk with Linda who’s bored and doesn’t have her fair share of nutty clients, frankly.<\/p>\n

If you’re calling about bedbugs, dial seven (#7) and thank you for the warning before I do our next home visit.<\/p>\n

If, however, you’re calling to thank me for my compassion and hard work on your behalf, please hold, as your call will be transferred directly to my supervisor.”<\/p>\n

; )<\/p>\n

– – – – – – – – – – – –<\/p>\n

TGIF!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“Hello. You’ve reached Laura in the Rental Assistance Unit. I’m not able to take your call right now. Probably because I’m avoiding you. Before leaving a message, please listen to the following options, as they’ve recently changed: If you’re calling to request that I send a letter to your foodstamp\/welfare worker verifying your rental share, … Continue reading Our options have recently changed<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2189,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[29],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.somewhereinnj.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/252"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.somewhereinnj.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.somewhereinnj.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.somewhereinnj.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.somewhereinnj.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=252"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.somewhereinnj.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/252\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.somewhereinnj.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2189"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.somewhereinnj.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=252"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.somewhereinnj.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=252"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.somewhereinnj.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=252"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}